


Handful of Water

by Inquartata (mackillian)



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, the kids are all right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23742742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackillian/pseuds/Inquartata
Summary: The Initiative underestimated the Primus. The results are catastrophic.
Relationships: Lexi T'Perro/Original Asari Character(s), Lexi T'Perro/Thaia Kallistrate
Comments: 16
Kudos: 18





	Handful of Water

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in what might be the darkest timeline. It was written for an angst challenge and isn’t canon for Tessera.

**The Nexus, 2833.**

Thaia briefly considered the fluffy, fast-moving cloud cover of the planet hanging below the Nexus and now the future site of the Initiative’s new shipyard. The clouds looked awesome and the older kids had spent the past week chatting excitedly about what they’d learned about clouds in their class. Warmth suffused Thaia’s chest and she grinned. They’d love this view and she could help them see it safely. After she’d moved from the third freshly completed anchor column and into the work skiff, Thaia took a quick holovid to show them—along with anyone else who showed up for dinner since the Tempest crew was on a month-long leave. Some had stopped by the apartment already, but Jaal had yet to show up and he was one of the kids’ favorites.

Which meant the kids had asked every hour for the past three days when they’d get to see him. Even more annoying, that fucker had been on the Nexus for all three of those days, helping Tiran Kandros and Foster Addison communicate with Evfra without getting into a shouting match.

Thaia activated her comm. “Jaal. Are you still on the Nexus?”

After another minute that Thaia spent looking over construction phases on her omni, Jaal answered. _“Yes, I am.”_

“Good,” she said, and then let some of her annoyance to show. This was Jaal, after all. Angara preferred this sort of clear as fuck communication. “Because I swear to the goddess if the kids ask one more time when Uncle Jaal is coming to visit, I’m telling on you to Sahuna. And she’ll yell at your ass all the way from Havarl. Cora and Lisana can’t come for dinner tonight because they left to help Sarissa on Kadara because Cora doesn’t know what a fucking vacation is. Even still, they stopped by before they went. Meanwhile, _you_ —”

_“I will visit this evening,”_ Jaal said through a chuckle.

“Don’t think for a second that if you no-show that I won’t fucking tattle.”

_“I promise I will be there.”_ In the background, Thaia could hear the raised voices of Kandros, Addison, and Evfra.

“So, work’s going well?” she asked.

_“They have not yelled yet today. Yesterday, the shouting began within an hour. It has been two so far. Evfra has grown restless over the kett quick exaltation rumors. However, Kandros and Addison will not agree to speeding up the collaborative training between the Initiative and the Resistance. Addison referred to the rumors as ‘bogeymen.’ After the term was explained to Evfra, he did not take kindly to the implied dismissal of his concern.”_

Frowning, Thaia swapped to the extranet on her omni because she sure as fuck didn’t know what that meant, either. Lexi would. While Thaia would’ve liked to hear Lexi’s voice, Lexi was currently at work in Hydroponics—something about a Heleus plant and possible use to treat CIND—and Thaia wasn’t going to interrupt her for something she was perfectly capable of looking up herself. There, bogeyman. A human mythical creature used to scare children that also served as a metonym for fear. Well, she could see why Evfra had gotten offended. She would’ve been, too. Comparing grown-ass adult fear to something childish? Shit, whether or not someone’s fear was based in reality, the fear itself was real. Adults weren’t even immune to how creepy sounds coming from a closet were scary. Especially when it was apparently _her_ job to investigate because ‘goddess, Thaia, you’re the commando, just go look’ in the middle of the night after their bed had been invaded by their three older children who _insisted_ they’d heard weird noises from their closet.

Admittedly, the ability to light up biotics to banish shadows and be ready for a fucking fight if there was a monster in there helped overcome that fear a lot. _Insulting_ had been Lexi rolling her eyes when Thaia informed her that if the monster ate her then it would be up to Lexi to save them all. _Injurious_ had been Lexi and the kids piled in the bed and already back to sleep when Thaia returned, triumphant. Which also meant she didn’t have to tell them that her triumph came from banishing the toy Peebee had gifted the kids because that fucking thing made the _weirdest_ noises at night and by ‘banished,’ Thaia meant she might’ve crushed it with a panicked stasis that was so compact it would’ve made Safira proud.

To Jaal over the comm, Thaia said, “What an asshole thing for her to say to say.”

_“Yes. The rumors have made me uneasy, as well. I will be glad when the Tempest begins its investigation in the coming weeks. History tells us that we should not have waited so long to establish defenses.”_

Thaia gazed down at the beginnings of the shipyard. At the moment, it consisted of a partially-complete ribcage of support beams and blueprints for the rest. Meanwhile, nearby were the completed Raeka and Garson Wards, which the how-the-fuck-was-he-still-alive Director Tann had insisted be finished before they started building defenses. Lights proliferated throughout each of the Nexus’s wards, residential sectors interspersed with lush green parks and the golden fields of successful agriculture, capped off at the ends with manufacturing sectors. A legitimate wonder, the wards now teemed with people living their lives, a beacon of the Initiative’s success. To Thaia, and to some others, it’d felt like having methods of protecting said people should’ve been in place first, but they hadn’t been the ones holding the power to decide.

She sighed. “Too bad it wasn’t up to us.”

_“I agree.”_ From Jaal’s side of the comm, the shouting of a fully escalated argument rose up. _“That is my cue. I will see you at dinner.”_

“Good luck,” Thaia said. Then she opened up the blueprints, the projection over her omni backdropped by the silvery hull of the shorter wards positioned nearest the planet.

Her comm activated almost immediately. _“Thaia,”_ said Kesh, _“it just occurred to me that urgently I owe you an apology for Tyro trying to headbutt your daughter yesterday when she wasn’t looking.”_

She narrowed her eyes. “Do you mean it or did you somehow use it as an excuse to escape Tann?”

_“Yes.”_ Kesh sounded perfectly neutral.

Thaia laughed. “Excuse or not, you don’t need to apologize for shit because someone needs to help him with his technique. He missed her completely.”

_“Or maybe Anahera has the reflexes of an—what’s that Thessian animal?—etalis.”_

“Look, I wasn’t going to brag.” Anahera had dodged Tyro so fast that he’d run himself right into a wall. He’d been fine. Meanwhile, the wall had a juvenile krogan-shaped dent in it.

_“That’s a first.”_

“Hey!” If Kesh was going to be like this about it, Thaia wasn’t going to hold back anymore.

_“Not hearing a lot of denial in there.”_

“Goddess, fine. I should be done here by the time they’re done with school for the day. I’ll bring Tyro home with us and I’ll teach them all proper technique.”

Kesh hummed in agreement. Then she asked, _“What’s Lexi going to say about it?”_

“‘Wear helmets,’ that’s what,” said Thaia, poorly approximating Lexi’s accent. Hopefully that was what Lexi would say. Well, it might end up more like ‘they better have been wearing helmets’ because Lexi would probably be home later than the rest of them. And the kids would tell her with the story as soon as she walked in the door, as always.

_“Do you even have any?”_ asked Kesh.

Well, fuck. She knew she’d forgotten something. “No. Vetra’s around, though. I’ll ask her.”

_“Keep me updated,”_ said Kesh. _“On the construction_ and _the helmets.”_

“Will do.” Thaia tried to call Vetra on comms but she didn’t respond. Since there wasn’t a ton of time before the headbutting lessons would begin, Thaia went another route. She typed out a message asking if Vetra knew where to get at least one krogan and three asari kid-sized helmets, marked it as urgent, and sent it off. Out of the corner of her eye, she took note of the supply barges floating over to the anchor column site. Smiling, Thaia bounced once on her feet and then began piloting the skiff over to meet them.

Her comm activated again. _“Thaia,”_ Kesh said, all the casualness from earlier replaced with hard intensity, _“you need to get inside.”_

Fingertips numb, Thaia looked over her shoulder, but there was no Scourge. Only the sensation of falling toward the unnamed planet with the dark, ragged clouds racing around the equator. “Why?” Her question was audible, but only just.

_“Kett. A raid. Stay on that side of the Nexus to keep it between you and the kett. Mostly they’ve landed in parks, commons, and docks. Anywhere open enough to fit a dropship. Get inside, keep your hardsuit on, and do what you can. There haven’t been any reports about kett near the school, but there hasn’t been confirmation that they aren’t there, either. I’ll update you when I have word.”_

They needed her to be a commando again, like during the Uprising. Only this time the enemy wasn’t from within. This time they had people on their side who were biotic powerhouses on whole other levels and the kett deserved to feel their biotics unleashed on them for underestimating matriarchs.

Fuck. _Fuck._ They weren’t _there_. None of the matriarchs were. Matriarch Sula was on Elaaden and Dr. Aridana on Remnant City. Matriarch Hemera on Aya. Captain Atandra on Meridian. Matriarch Celaeno on H-047c. Their other defenses, what they’d scraped together over Tann’s protests, were mostly gone, too. Ninety percent of Apex were training with the Resistance on Voeld. It left the Nexus’s multiple weak points exposed to attack. Places where civilians congregated, like anywhere with vegetation that needed space and artificial sunlight to grow, like the cereal grain fields, orchards, experimental crops and their nearby labs—

The planet’s clouds swirled into a maelstrom that dragged Thaia down. One hand flat on the console and the other grasping the chair, Thaia struggled to stay on her feet.

_Lexi._ Lexi was in Hydroponics. She had Aella with her, too, because Thaia couldn’t bring a child—much less their four-month-old infant daughter—on her EVA, and Sula was away on Elaaden so she hadn’t been available to take her, either. Fuck.

She wrestled through her choking fear and activated her comm. “Lexi?”

It took only seconds for Lexi to answer, a little breathless but familiar and there and alive. _“I’m here. And so are the kett. They’ve chased us inside but we’re—some of us—are alive. What about you? Are you all right?”_

“I’m fine. Out in a skiff where I can’t see a single kett.” Thaia swallowed hard. “How bad?”

Lexi exhaled, but it wasn’t much for reassurance. _“There are several rooms between the four of us and them, but we’ve retreated as far as physically possible and we’ve no escape route. We didn’t—we didn’t think they’d pursue us this far and we didn’t figure it out until we were trapped. They’re exalting anyone who isn’t immediately killed. Injecting people like in the conversation facility on Voeld, but now it’s just a matter of minutes until they’re kett._ ” Her voice tightened again. _“Goddess. Thaia, no one should—”_

“They aren’t doing that to you or anyone else with you. I’ll come get you, Aella, and whoever else. Just stay alive and not kett until I can get there.”

_“Okay.”_ Another exhale, less shaky. _“Okay. I need to—”_

Thaia’s omni notified her that Kesh was initiating another comm. Instead of switching over, Thaia brought her into a shared comm. “Kesh, I’ve got Lexi on. She has an update on the kett.”

_“Rolling you both over to a main comm channel with myself and Kandros,”_ said Kesh. _“Lexi?”_

_“I’m right here. Remember the question about the kett and how fast they could increase their depleted numbers after the battle on Meridian? They’ve solved the problem. They don’t need exaltation pods any longer. Only the injections and they’re doing that to anyone they don’t kill.”_

_“Shit,”_ said Kandros.

_“And we have a report from a civilian about a kett scout team in the vicinity of the school,”_ said Kesh, calm even as she delivered news that concerned the safety of her own child.

Kandros jumped in. _“Talini’s leading an Apex squad there but we can’t guarantee they’ll get there before the kett. Thaia, since you’re outside, you’re the only person with combat experience who can reach them in time.”_

“Hydroponics,” Thaia said, the harsh truth pressing into her throat stealing the strength from what could’ve been an objection. The mixed-species class that day had a total of eight children. Eight. Thaia and Lexi’s oldest three, Kesh’s youngest, and then four other kids. Children who couldn’t protect themselves, along with a teacher and an assistant but salarian teachers weren’t especially known for having previous careers, much less as soldiers. Cold and unflinching, the numbers said everything. If Thaia knew anything, it was numbers.

And Lexi knew that about her and so much more. _“There are eight children there and one here. Thaia, you need to go to the school. You know you do. We’ll hold on for as long as we can but the reality is that it doesn’t look good.”_

Thaia’s biotics flared and she almost snapped off the chair’s headrest. She wouldn’t let Andromeda force her to choose between them. She fucking wouldn’t.

_“I’m trying to get myself and a team there as fast as I can,”_ said Kandros. _“But the bulk of the biggest raiding party is between us and Hydroponics. I wish I could, but I can’t make make any promises.”_

_“We’ll hold out as long as we can,”_ said Lexi.

They still had a chance. If Thaia moved her ass, there was a chance. She spun the skiff and flew it toward the airlock closest to the school. If she fought as fast and efficiently as possible, she could help them all. She had to. There simply wasn’t a choice.

By the time Thaia had gotten inside the airlock and initiated the pressure equalization sequence, Lexi returned to her comm with only Thaia.

_“The last lab tech went to see how close the kett are. He never returned,”_ Lexi said in the same tone she used to give bad news to patients. _“It’s just Aella and me and we’ve nowhere to hide.”_

Lungs burning, Thaia rested her helmeted head against the airlock hatch. Could children be exalted? Could _infants_ be exalted? Unbidden, the image of Aella’s little body twisting and twisting until the white exoskeleton banished all traces of blue skin and drained the color from her eyes and leaving them a milky white, then mangling her body into a gruesome creature that no longer resembled anything close to asari much less a baby and—

Thaia went to slap her hand over her eyes but smacked her closed visor instead. Fuck. _Fuck_. “Lexi, is there anything you can do? Anything?”

_“The medkit has a standard sedative. There’s enough for—”_

“Please don’t—”

_“I refuse to let them turn our daughter into kett.”_ Never had there been so much steel hardening Lexi’s voice. _“If it comes down to using a lethal dose of sedative, I will if I must.”_ The metal fractured then, cracks creeping into Lexi’s words. _“But I think I have an alternative. For her.”_

Thaia glared at the still dim light that would signal the equalization cycle complete. Slow. Too slow. “Not for you?”

_“No.”_ Shuffling came from Lexi’s side. _“Not if this is going to work.”_

The light turned on. Thaia opened the hatch and bolted through. “What are you going to do?”

_“There’s a small cabinet meant for samples in the farthest corner of the lab. It’s small enough for Aella to fit and nondescript enough to avoid drawing suspicion. However, crying would give her away. That’s where the sedative comes in.”_ More shuffling. _“The kett are getting closer. I need to act quickly.”_ Aella grumbling. Lexi shushing and soothing her.

Thaia skidded to an abrupt stop. This could be one of the last times Lexi was able to do it. This could be the _last_ time.

_No._ She’d get to both places. She had to.

She used the sudden halt as a chance to check the corridor for kett. Nothing. After consulting her map, she resumed the trip to the school.

_“Thaia,”_ said Lexi, _“I need you to do me a favor.”_

“What?” She’d give Lexi whatever she wanted. She always would. For as long as they had left.

_“The kett.”_ Seething anger seared Lexi’s perfect diction. _“I want you to make them regret ever having drawn a breath.”_

A sharp pain lanced through Thaia’s chest and she had to grit her teeth against it before she managed, “I will.”

_“Thank you. Give me a moment. I need to administer the sedative.”_

Focused on the distance remaining between herself and the school, focused on breathing in and out, focused on the two missions she had to complete, Thaia ran.

She was still running when Lexi spoke again. _“She’s asleep now. I’ve given her a dose that will keep her asleep for a few hours. Any longer and it would threaten her life as much as the kett. When you find her, even if she’s awake, you’ll need to bring her to a doctor. Tell them it was a pediatric dosage of the standard medkit sedative and they’ll know what it is.”_

“Okay.” It wasn’t okay. Nothing about this was okay. Thaia tried to run faster still but she couldn’t catch her breath through the lump in her throat and she was forced to stop before she could reach the next intersection.

_“There’s something else you need to know. If…”_ Lexi stumbled there, her physician’s detachment crumbling under the weight of what was to come. She took a breath and a moment and tried again, speaking clearly. _“If they exalt me, I would be the most significant threat to Aella’s life. The newly exalted don’t respond to their names. However, we can’t be sure they’ve forgotten everything from before, not when they’re still able to walk and talk. If I do remember, I could lead them right to her.”_

Thaia saw where Lexi was going. She saw and, goddess, she tried not to. It only made it worse, the images vivid against the darkness behind closed eyes. Lexi with the white exoskeleton, Lexi with the clouded eyes, Lexi bringing the kett to their daughter’s hiding place, Lexi helping the kett exalt their daughter. Thaia squeezed her eyes shut so hard she saw white.

But the images stayed. They stayed, rooted in the reality Thaia had refused to face—she wasn’t going to reach Lexi and Aella. And if Kandros’s team didn’t either, or if some kind of miracle didn’t happen, there was only one way they could keep Aella safe. Lexi had to avoid exaltation. And to be certain she would, she had to… it was literally unspeakable, even as Thaia’s mind played the scene out for her against her wishes.

Then Lexi said it. _“The surest way to give her a chance at survival would be for me to die when I fight the kett.”_

Thaia could scream. Fucking nothing was okay and it never would be. Despite how calm Lexi sounded, reciting the facts of the case like the clinician she was, Thaia knew her well enough to know she was screaming on the inside, too. But Thaia’s muscles were tensed and ready, desperate to take action, a scream all its own that served no purpose. She had to relax. She had to because a huntress couldn’t hunt like this. But how could a huntress be expected to do anything when their bondmate was going to die?

_“Thaia?”_ asked Lexi.

“I don’t want you to,” Thaia said so quietly that she was surprised the comms picked it up.

_“Neither do I,”_ Lexi answered, raspy and ridden with cracks. _“But we haven’t the choice.”_

Thaia’s fingers curled into fists, rage working its way up from its dark pit and she barely caught it before it burst out. Then, like her father had taught her as a kid when she struggled with her hefty temper, she visualized the anger as water held in her hands. The tighter she squeezed her fists, the faster the water flowed out between her fingers, and the faster her temper faded. There were three other people—no, _eight_ other people—who needed her help, too. She could protect them even though she couldn’t protect her bondmate and their youngest. But she had to keep her shit together to do it.

Her hands empty, the last of the tension waned and Thaia moved onward.

For three whole steps. Then Lexi said, _“Tell the children I love them.”_

Thaia soundlessly gasped like she’d been sucker punched. She wanted to say _you_ tell them. She didn’t, though. They both fucking knew it was impossible and pointing it out would be cruel as fuck and waste time they didn’t have. “I will.” Inside, she started to fracture because they were supposed to have fucking _centuries_ and they’d barely had a decade and she needed to tell Lexi again that she loved her. Except she couldn’t speak past the heaviness in her chest and she reeled.

_“Thaia,”_ Lexi went on, _“I love you. I know you’re trying to tell me the same but can’t get the words out and that’s okay. I love you for that, too.”_

A laugh emerged from Thaia, choked with the beginnings of a sob she couldn’t stop. _Fuck_. She braced herself on the nearest wall and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.

_“Also,”_ said Lexi, splintering further the longer she spoke, _“you’ll be sad when I’m gone.”_

“That’s my line,” Thaia said before she knew she could speak, rough as it was.

_“I’m borrowing it.”_

Lexi shouldn’t have had to borrow it because she wasn’t the commando. She wasn’t the one who had the statistically higher chance of dying while doing her job. Maybe when Lexi was out on the Tempest the danger tilted more toward her but she was on the Nexus now. It was supposed to be _safe._

Lexi’s breathing quickened. _“The kett are in the next room. I have to be ready.”_

“I love you.” Everything and not enough in a sentence shredded by the first shards of a shattering heart.

Then came the loud metallic shriek of a door being forced open. Lexi inhaled and exhaled like she did meditating before yoga. Before she prepared to do something so difficult it challenged her ability to try. _“I love you, too.”_

Another shriek and a crash as the door gave way.

Guttural shouts from a flood of kett. Deep thumps from a chain of biotic lashes. A crunch. Then a slightly flanged spoke so softly it neared intimacy. _“This is a gift.”_

The comm cut short Lexi’s scream.

Thaia couldn’t breathe. Her stomach roiled and she couldn’t see but she had to move, she had to get the school before the kett could hurt the kids like they’d hurt…

She stumbled, Andromeda closing in like it had in the beginning, like it had before she’d decided it didn’t get to fucking tell her what she could and couldn’t do and it _let her believe that_ and now it had taken again.

_Seeing Lexi alive is one of the first good things to happen to her in Andromeda. She’s in her arms and alive and there’s a spike of joy Thaia thought she’d never feel again and everything hurts a little less._

_There’s the blaze of jubilant intelligence lighting the grey of Lexi’s eyes when she hits on the cure for the cryo-induced neurological decay. ‘They’re going to be okay,’ Lexi says, her kindness giving the victory to the sick._

_Lexi’s sitting between the four-year-old identical twins Anahera and Zahra, each of them wearing delighted faces as she teaches them what it means to be an individual._

_She’s cradling a newborn Carian in one arm while hugging Zahra and Anahera in the other, explaining with complete medical accuracy how their baby sister was born. As Thaia fights her squeamishness, Lexi looks over their daughter’s heads and flashes her a grin._

_Last night, the four of them in a pile on the bed and Aella on Lexi’s opposite side so her sisters couldn’t roll over her, all soundly asleep. Peaceful and together and Thaia’s so very careful not to wake them when she crawls in._

_Lexi’s smile given to Thaia before she leaves for work, Thaia walking into a wall when she sees it, Lexi’s loving laugh that follows._

_She’s gone now._

Thaia wasn’t going to let Andromeda take more.She would fight. Fighting was something could do. And she was good at it and all she needed were some kett and she knew how to get their fucking attention.

Wrapped in a writhing corona, Thaia marched for a battle she never should’ve stood down from. She would tear through any and every kett who dared stand between her and her children. She would leave them suspended in the air, writhing in their _own_ agony until the reaves drained the last flicker of life from them.

Minutes went by. Minutes knowing that the kett had probably killed or exalted her bondmate on the other side of the station. Minutes where the only indication Thaia got that anything was awry was a whiff of smoke drifting in from a long corridor. Minutes where she needed something, anything to take her focus from Lexi and what must’ve happened to her and if Aella was still alive.

_You’ll be sad when I’m gone._

Angry was easier. Angry hurt less. But angry was useless without its deserving target. Useless like Thaia had been to save Lexi. Useless like she might be to save Aella.

Before she could stumble again, Thaia concentrated on the kett that could be near the school in the next corridor. If any had fucking dared go near those kids, she would unleash everything on them.

No, not everything. Not reaves. Those would scare the kids.

Lexi would understand.

If she were alive.

The anger burned hotter, threatening to turn every other feeling to ash until a reminder came in the comforting memory of Lexi’s voice.

_Don’t let it consume you. They need your empathy and your strength. They need their parent. They need_ you _._

When Thaia rounded the corner, she found the school’s entrance doors closed. Outside it was a smear of blood laden with melting chunks of flesh and white exoskeleton and metallic particles that might’ve once been a rifle. Thaia rapidly swallowed back bile as she recognized results of damage consistent with a close encounter with cryo-modded weaponry. A meter away from the slick mess was a salarian body riddled with holes. The teacher or the assistant, Thaia couldn’t tell which. She crouched and checked the salarian’s vitals despite the condition of the body, noting the snapped off omniblade resting next to the salarian’s right arm. Maybe they’d been a soldier before they’d become a teacher after all.

After returning to the doors, Thaia activated her comm. “Kesh, Kandros,” she said, scratchy like she’d swallowed too much seawater on a long swim, “I’ve reached the school.”

_“My team should be right around the corner,”_ said Kandros. _“They intercepted the bulk of the kett squad a few minutes ago and cleared them out before they reached the school. I’m with the team going to Hydroponics and we’ve hit some heavy resistance. We still haven’t heard from anyone inside the lab since the last time we talked.”_

“You won’t,” said Thaia, her lungs burning again. “They’re all dead.”

_“Spirits,”_ said Kandros.

“Shit,” came Talini’s voice from down the hall. When she and the four other Apex officers who followed her caught up with Thaia, Talini added, “I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” It was the most Thaia could say. She needed to be doing, not talking. “We can determine exactly what happened out here later,” she said to the milling Apex members. “We need to get to the kids.”

Talini retrieved her sidearm and extended it toward Thaia. “Here, take this and then lead us in.”

Heart hammering away, Thaia overrode the strangely compiled security on the door while the Apex team stacked up behind her. Then they entered, finding only an entryway empty aside from a body in the corner that was—

“Is that a kett?” asked one of the turians.

“The most beanpole of a kett I’ve ever seen,” said the human.

“The teacher or their assistant,” Thaia said, the kett body’s vague resemblance to a salarian form becoming revoltingly obvious. “Or was, before they were exalted.”

Talini nudged the dead kett with her boot and its head nearly lolled away. “Looks like cryo damage from an omni-blade. Almost went right through.” She set her shoulders and looked up at Thaia. “You’re right. We can figure this shit out later. Let’s find the kids.”

When they quietly—silently for Thaia and Talini—walked from the entryway and into a short hallway, Thaia heard some shuffling from one of the larger classrooms. It didn’t sound heavy enough to be kett. She exchanged hand signals with Talini and then took an audible step inside the room.

Then she heard, “Tyro, no!” from a turian child right before a brownish-green blur of a krogan child hurtled from behind a row of benches and barreled straight for her.

Thaia didn’t move and Tyro bounced harmlessly off her barrier and onto the floor.

Golden eyes stared up at her in surprise. Then Tyro’s jaw set in determination. “I’m not scared.”

If not for everything else, Thaia would’ve laughed. Instead, she let her barrier dissipate, removed her gloves and shoved them into a stow pack, and knelt down. “You don’t need to be.” Then she helped Tyro to his feet. “Where’s—”

The rest of the kids—all seven remaining in the class—sprinted out of hiding, her own kids leading the pack, their two human and two turian classmates behind them. While their classmates stopped at a respectable distance, her own kids crashed into her, their hugs a brief interlude before they started in with questions.

“Where’s Daddy? She said she was going to Hydroponics today,” said Zahra, looking past Thaia’s shoulder and out the door as Talini walked in. “She was going to bring me home a _tiral azhana_ seedling.”

“Is she with you?” asked Anahera, matching the eagerness in her sister’s face as they watched the Apex team file inside and begin assessing the other children in the classroom. Watched them like they watched the door when they were expecting Lexi to come home after being away for weeks on the Tempest.

Carian had a piece of paper in her little hand, holding it up. “I drew Mumma in her ship!”

_Fuck_. If Lexi had been on the Tempest and the Tempest elsewhere in the cluster, she wouldn’t be…

The drawing blurred.

A little hand, not quite as small as Carian’s, landed on her shoulder. “Mum?” asked Zahra, worry clear.

Another hand. “Mum, what’s wrong?” Anahera asked when Thaia could only blink back the sting in her eyes.

Then Carian carefully placed her free hand on Thaia’s cheek. “Daddy?”

Still unable to speak, Thaia gathered them in her arms and hauled them close. As close as she could get them, alive and breathing, the sauce stain from lunch on Zahra’s shirt right at eye level and for once Thaia didn’t give one single fuck about Zahra’s inability to keep her shirt clean more than for an hour. “She was in Hydroponics,” Thaia said, following the painful example of her own father when she’d told a child Thaia that Indah had been killed on Korlus. “And so were the kett. She died while I was talking to her over a comm.”

Carian threw her arms around Thaia’s neck. Her drawing fluttered to the floor, forgotten.

“Are you sure?” asked Anahera.

Simultaneously, Zahra said, “Maybe her omni broke.”

Goddess, Thaia wished. But wishing didn’t bring people back, no matter how hard you wished it. She shifted the bulk of Carian’s weight to her left arm and pulled Zahra and Anahera in with her right. Then she said, “I’m sure.” What she wasn’t sure about was who was doing the trembling—her or her daughters.

“What about Aella?” Anahera asked, everything about her shaking. “What about our baby sister?”

Thaia held her tighter. Held all of them tighter so they wouldn’t have to quake in fear. “I don’t know. Your dad hid her before the kett breached the room she was in. Once you’re all safe, I’m going to go look for her.”

Behind them, Talini contacted Kesh. “All the children are alive and well, including Tyro. The teacher and assistant didn’t make it, though. Kandros, what’s your status?”

_“Still advancing on Hydroponics. You and your team take custody of the kids who aren’t going with Thaia. I’ll keep you updated on our position. Kandros out.”_

_“Thaia’s apartment complex is cleared and the tram between it and the school is running,”_ said Kesh, more charged than before even though she’d just found out her son was alive. It did make sense. Lexi was—fuck, _had been_ —Kesh’s friend and Kesh had a temper worthy of any other krogan. _“Thaia, take Tyro with you when you go and I’ll meet you there.”_ A familiar voice rumbled in the background of Kesh’s comm and Kesh told him to use his own.

_“I will go there, as well,”_ Jaal practically growled. _“I will guard the children while you and Kesh go to Hydroponics.”_

“Thank you, Uncle Jaal,” said Zahra, faintly echoed by Anahera.

Carian mumbled something into Thaia’s shoulder, her nose between two pieces of hard plating.

_“You are welcome. I will see you soon.”_

“Come on,” Thaia said quietly to her daughters. “Let’s go home.”

While Zahra and Anahera were able to step away—though they didn’t move out of arm’s reach—Carian refused to let go, her fingers linking together behind Thaia’s neck. Thaia didn’t force it. Her daughter’s weight against her was as reassuring for Thaia as it was for Carian. If it’d been possible, she’d have carried all three of them in her arms, like she sometimes did around the house, after Zahra had dared to say that there wasn’t any possible way Thaia could do it. Lexi had walked in on Thaia proving Zahra wrong, her straight face lasting only seconds before she laughed. Her eyes had shined in admiration, as well. Thaia had put in a nice flex for good measure, earning an even louder laugh.

Her heart seized. Now the only laughs of Lexi’s she would ever hear again would be echoes.

“About ready to go?” asked Talini, nearly making Thaia jump.

Thaia glanced at Anahera and Zahra, who nodded. She nodded back. “Ready.”

“They’ll, uh, want to cover their eyes,” said the human male. “You know, the mess outside. It’s nasty and they’re too young. Hell, I’m too young.”

“We’ve already seen it,” said Zahra, devoid of emotion.

Thaia almost jumped for the second time in less than a minute. _Fuck_. She placed her free hand on Zahra’s shoulder. “All of you?”

“Not Carian,” Anahera said, jaw flexing as she looked at the floor.

“And not them.” Tyro jerked his chin toward their classmates. “Weren’t fast enough, but that’s okay. None of ‘em are krogan. But I headbutted the first kett when Lirit had to stop Scyron after she turned into one of them. Had to distract it, you know?” He pointed excitedly at Anahera. “Then you should’ve seen her run! Blew right past it! Got it to chase her out the door so Lirit could tackle it outside. Ran back in and then Zahra reprogrammed the door in case Lirit got exalted like Scyron and tried to unlock it and hurt us.”

Zahra scowled at him. “You shouldn’t be so happy. It wasn’t fun. People died!”

Goddess, she sounded like Lexi when she talked like that. Pain wrenched through the usual amusement.

Tyro gestured at everyone in the room. “But we’re alive!”

“My daddy isn’t,” Anahera said darkly, and then started for the door. “I want to go home.”

Zahra trotted ahead to catch up with her, Thaia right behind them with long steps, and everyone else followed their lead. But after they split from the Apex team and the other kids, it was a quiet trip. No one had stories to tell. None that they wanted to, anyway.

When Thaia, her daughters, and Tyro got to her apartment, Kesh and Jaal were already waiting there.

Tyro bolted straight for Kesh, hitting her with a combination of headbutt and hug. Barely acknowledging Kesh, Zahra and Anahera walked past them and into the apartment. Thaia exchanged a concerned look with Jaal and then went in, desperately trying to come up with a way to help them feel better when she couldn’t do the same for herself. Then, even inside her own home, Carian refused to let go.

But, with these three safe, there was one more person who needed Thaia. “If I can’t let someone else hold you, I can’t go find your baby sister. I need to find Aella,” Thaia whispered to Carian.

“And Mumma,” Carian said, lifting her face enough to be heard and enough for Thaia to see marks from where her armor had pressed on Carian’s skin.

_Fuck_. Thaia’s eyes stung and the hollowness in her chest expanded, threatening to split apart what little was left holding her together. She couldn’t fall apart. Not now. Not when her kids needed her. Not when Aella needed her to find her. Find her, alive or… Thaia’s chin trembled and she fucking _couldn’t_. She needed the rage at the kett to keep her shit together against the crush of losing Lexi, but rage had no place here.

Maybe it did out there, on the path leading to her youngest daughter.

“Come, I will gladly hold you for the time she is away,” said Jaal.

After a long study of Jaal’s face, Carian leaned toward his outstretched arms. He took her, patting her head when she laid it on his _rofjinn_. Jaal looked up and met Thaia’s gaze. “Go,” he said. “I will keep them safe.”

Thaia hugged Anahera and Zahra again before she left with Kesh.

Not until they were in the tram speeding toward the commons where Hydroponics was located did Kesh speak, breaking through Thaia’s fugue. “There were other raids.”

“What?” Thaia didn’t bother with pretending she hadn’t jumped at the sudden sound.

“More raids. The reports were still coming in when Jaal and I left Ops. Eos, Voeld, Havarl, Elaaden, Kadara. There are as many casualties on Eos and Voeld as there are here. Elaaden, Havarl, and Kadara suffered from few to none.”

“The places that were prepared to fight.” Thaia ignored how scratchy she sounded.

“Yes.” Kesh’s reply was gruff. “Things will change here, after this.”

“Yeah.” But no matter the changes, things would never be okay again. The truth sapped the energy that should’ve there. The rage she wanted to be there because it made the truth hurt less. _Get mad_ , Drack would say. _Get mad and use it_.

And then there was what Lexi had asked of her. _Make them regret ever having drawn a breath._

There it was.

_“Kesh, Kandros here. As soon as Resistance shuttles arrived in-system, the kett retreated to their dropships and took off. We’re closing on Hydroponics now.”_

“We’ll be there shortly,” said Kesh. “Don’t let anyone get in our way unless they want to be thrown out of the way.”

Thaia let the hot rush of wrath take shape as her biotics did. There was nothing and no one who would stop her from reaching her child.

Debris littered the commons, most of it unidentifiable aside from upended cargo containers, smashed produce, trampled flowerbeds. Thaia accidentally stepped on plush hanar as she and Kesh stormed toward the lab. At first, the glut of onlookers, readying medics, and Apex were in the way, but they moved the second they spotted Thaia and Kesh.

The lab door was half-charred like the one that’d been behind Khel and Thaia stumbled through it, churning up bitter ash as she caught herself. Safira had died in Hydroponics. Now Lexi had, too. And Aella might have—

A cold sweat broke out on Thaia’s skin and she biotically charged toward last room at the back of the lab.

It was empty.

Empty.

_Fuck_.

Her biotics guttered out. She listened. Or tried to but she couldn’t hear a fucking thing through the dense cloud of anger she’d wrapped herself in. So she let the anger flow away from her, too.

The silence gave fear a form that swiftly rose to fill the emptiness that anger had left behind. Thaia’s heart pounded, hands shaking as she went from cabinet to cabinet, opening each one. Then she heard it.

The tiny, angry grumbles of warning from Aella that always preceded a full, really fucking loud crying fit that wouldn’t abate until someone helped her. Thaia followed the sound as it grew in intensity until she opened a cabinet near the back corner to find her youngest daughter. Aella’s button nose was scrunched up and her cheeks violet in outrage. A wail emerged before Thaia could get her out and she continued to cry, too worked up to settle on her own.

Alive. She was alive. Mad as fuck but _alive_. Thaia cuddled Aella against her chest and sat down, the cabinet at her back holding her upright through her relieved exhaustion. Aella kept crying. She still needed help.

Thaia lightly pressed her forehead on the top of Aella’s crest and settled her breathing. Then she opened her mind to Aella’s.

She was immediately greeted by the enthusiastic warmth of love and happiness, along with a little bit of resentment that she’d been allowed to get that upset. Reassured that Aella hadn’t been harmed, Thaia’s body settled further. Then the warmth from Aella was joined by another familiar pull of want and need, this time accompanied by the hazy image of Lexi’s face. Before Thaia could think of anything else, she let Aella feel the torn place in her heart that was Lexi’s agonizing absence, the largest of all the tears that dwelled there. The pull of love and need continued to emanate from Aella, but Lexi’s image faded. Sitting cross-legged on the tiled lab floor, Thaia held Aella close as she buried her small face in the crook of Thaia’s neck, seeking solace from the first tear in her own little heart.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Tiral azhana_ , meaning “handful of water," is a canonical plant from Rannoch.


End file.
